The Relationships Manual-World Cup Edition.

Of all things that men can do, we are most pathetic at multitasking. We always settle for one, and in most cases; the more thrilling experience. That by any means is the spirit of competition. Believe me you, not even sex would rival the thrill of catching the World Cup final! The match that would very well determine the world champions for the next four years!In my world, nothing supersedes that! And between that all determinant game and a nagging woman elsewhere, I would out-rightly settle for the former!No harm intended, ladies! Just setting the record straight!

We can however work out a perfect way to live out this world cup life and death period without the otherwise apparent urge to break up,albeit temporarily for that would give me 100% guarantee of zero bickering over time and attention. My ideal girl in these new circumstances would be the one who knows the team I support as well as the teams I don’t support. The matches I would not want to miss and those that I could very well watch while texting sweet nothings over the cell. That would be the ideal. The very rare ideal! Guys, if you got this one, marry her already!

I have taken upon myself the trouble of preparing this very strict manual to those women who would like to keep their die-hard fans of husbands through this world cup period. And trust me, if this world cup period doesn’t bother you, then you may as well be anything but straight;in the female sense.(Pun intended).Seat tight and fasten your seat-belts for this once in a lifetime manual on how to keep or not to keep your guy during this world cup period.

1.Take note of the world cup timetable.
Trust me ladies, this will save you unnecessary heartaches! You ladies have got this memorizing ability with respect to schedules, right? Well, all you need to know is the time the match begins and when it ends. If you don’t fancy the sport, then stay out of sight. If you have nowhere to go, then sit around and stay silent. You may use this time to read a novel or go through your chats. Whatever you do, always remember to stay silent.

2.Stay silent.
I am literally repeating this rule. Do not make unnecessary comments about the game unless you actually understand the game. Do not ask questions like why Manchester United is not playing the world cup! You can do some online research while you are on your phone to avoid unnecessary blushes. Do not comment on how cute a player from your guy’s opposing team is; especially when the match is tight or when his team is losing. That can earn you some time in emotional cold.

3.Do not get Jealous!
Really? You’re jealous of a game and not that he is better off not cheating on you somewhere out there? There is no need for you to compete for attention with the best TV series in every four years!Even the priest who married us is busy on the screen for chrissakes!He knows about this silent exception to the rule!That I come to bed late? You gotta be serious!The Brazilian time zone automatically means that these matches will feature late in the night…

4.Let Him go out.
For most of us guys, the game is sweeter when you are out with your crew in a bar or a favorite spot. The guy is therefore likely to come back home late. Note that the East African time zones implies that some matches will begin well past midnight!This could really imply that for that one month period, the guy will literally stay AWOL from your bedroom confines. Subtract 2 hours and neither will the Londoners be in any less trouble. When he comes back home, be glad that he made it. Especially if his team lost.

5.Observe his mood before you speak.
When his team wins, you wouldn’t have to worry about anything. He will be the first to hug you and boast about how easy they beat their opponents. This could create a very merry environment and an even lighter bedroom mood. Losing an important match however is another affair. Elimination matches are in this category!Do not dare splash it on his face about just how they are sore losers!Especially if you were supporting the opponent team or worse still if your ‘cute guy’ delivered the killer blow that sank his team’s ship.

6.Be supportive of him and his team.
Make some complimentary comments about his team and psyche him up that his team will prevail. Be there to comment about how unfair the referee was( don’t mind the replay shows the referee made the right call) and the possibility that he was paid!Anything to make the guy feel better about himself and his team and above all to earn some points for yourself.

7.Prepare for a Noisy match day!
If he decides to watch the game from the comfort of the living room,with a few friends over; then you are luckier that most women. You can as well zero-graze him and his ego when he is right before your nose. You will however be prepared for ear shattering celebrations and or close celebrations!Some goals will be disallowed and this would arouse frustrations. Do not dare laugh at such. Giggle in the kitchen or far away in the comfort of the bedroom.

It’s all about thinking like A Man and Acting like a Woman to survive this trying time!A moment that all men relive their heroic boyhood memories and act like it!A moment when the responsibility of being the husband who understands the adolescent boy is left to the woman. And all of us men, would rather be the boys!

Great World Cup Folks!

Ooko Victor