They say old habits die hard. And of all old habits that we try to do away with, I find dealing with the Ex, the most fascinating! I do not enjoy writing this article . I however took the oath and owe my loyalty to the pen. And my Ex.
Letter X is the 24th letter of the alphabet. Meaning we still have letter Y and of course Z seals it for us. From an optimist point of view, the Ex is simply not the end. Others soon follow. Maybe even those whom we ultimately dedicate to share the rest of our lives with for those who believe in the ‘Happily ever after…’ However, just like other old habits, Exes tend to be addictive. Or in other words, they just choose not to die with the relationship.
Comparing the Ex to, let’s say Alcohol, you will understand the reason for my fascination. When you meet that guy or lady for the first time, the first moments of it are usually not clearly defined. Is like courting your first brand of beer. You wanna taste it but again, you’ve all along heard just how it may throw your life off balance and such. You remember your church and others who went down the same road to a fatal end, throwing their lives off balance and you are a bit hesitant. Women are the most hesitant. After all, they have been told before just how much more they stand to lose compared to their male counterparts.
The first few days with the drink we tend to take some higher level of caution, but with time the guard lowers completely. Here we have began to trust ourselves with the drink and consequently, trust the drinks with ourselves. Creating loyalty to the brand and to drinking in general. That is as far as my Ex-Alcohol analogy goes.
Back to my Ex issues, having an Ex may not really be the problem, controlling how far our relationships with them go, is! Many of us still find it difficult to resist that hot moment of passion given the chance. Better still, many more actually go out looking for it.
When we feel broken, we mostly turn back to those who we believe understand us best. In most cases, our experiences with the ex makes them the only candidates to make us feel like ourselves again when faced with such moments. Such a complicated chemistry! Much more difficult than the class taught jargon of covalent and polymers and et cetera. When we move into new relationships, most of us tend to set the bar higher than in our previous arrangements. And when this is not met, we compare it to our past relationships and miss what we already lost. Or in better terms ‘dumped’. It is far much worse if we moved into another relationship to make our previous partners jealous. Or if we felt like we owe the Ex an apology over something that happened during the relationship. This mostly happens in times we are emotionally unstable. Like when you feel like you depend on the drink or cigarettes to cool your nerve. You end up drinking yourself silly and end up even more pathetic the Ex following day!
Ever heard of the catchy phrase about the Ex being the best lover?
Well, I don’t know who came with it, but they sure had an experience worth summing up. This however, may well pose as the recipe for getting hurt even more. Here, the more stable partner gets to use the other! I mean, if the phrase got out, then someone must have definitely talked about their bedroom linen. Such topics are usually great for discussion. Especially amongst men! How desperate our Exes have become or just how easy it is to bed the Ex…And the topic just keeps flowing.
From my point of view, such is a relationship worth ending. The fact that it is so difficult to let go of the past, some parts of our past though really captivating actually belong where we left them. That’s why after reaching the letter Z, the only other logical way to get on the progressive course is to begin the alphabet afresh! Makes sense, right? I call it putting the Exes where they rightfully belong.
The truth is there are actually very great people out there. Very loving and honest, or better still, those willing to try. Waking up from the Exes stupor may just be the first bold step towards meeting these new people. And furthermore, you have nothing to lose. You could always channel your energy towards other aspects of your life that need them, apart from the bugging Ex. Like let’s say your studies, for those in school;your work or other hobbies you have that would definitely make you more productive and happy at what you do. Top of everything, however is that, you must be convinced that you are ready to go down this road. To rise up from the hangover and hit the ground running!
Remember, it is never right if it ends up hurting you. And eating away every part of you, bit by bit.
It is never right if you feel bad about it. Or you keep it secret unable to make the world understand. You will realize it one day. But only if the time will still be there to let you start over again.
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